Chapter 1: The Study that Shook Sleep Norms

In a groundbreaking revelation from POOP — Procrastinators Organic Original Publications — a recent study challenges the long-standing belief in the necessity of sleep, uncovering potential advantages of what is termed "sleep deprivation."

"This study provides a fascinating perspective on a topic often taken for granted."

POOP had the chance to speak with N. Som Kneeak, Ph.D., a sleep expert at the Hops Johnkins University’s sleep deprivation lab, which bears his name. Dr. Kneeak conducted research focusing on the experiences of sleep-deprived students at Hops Johnkins, where he found a surprising number of participants.

These students unanimously reported that lacking sleep not only allowed them to meet academic deadlines but also afforded them additional time for cramming before exams, all without the financial burden of purchasing hallucinogens.

"Do you realize how pricey a dose of acid is these days?" quipped Nick Carraway (a pseudonym), one of the subjects. "I wouldn’t know, as my brain gives me that high for free!"

Section 1.1: The Costs of Sleep Deprivation

However, there was a caveat. Nick acknowledged a downside: he had wrecked his recently acquired used Camaro and left holes in his dorm room walls after attempting to confront imaginary snakes with his steel-toed boots.

"What can I say? It's sheetrock," explained the Proctor on the 17th floor when asked to confirm his story.

Dorothy Gale (not her real name), a charming student with an equally charming terrier, shared her own academic transformation. "I was struggling in Geography, English, and Deck Tennis. Now, I’m excelling in Calculus, English, Economics, Systems Theory, Physical Chemistry, and Finnish. Deck Tennis is still a bit tricky, though. I might do better if I kept my eyes open, but I close them because the Earth keeps spinning. Someone should tell it to stop!"

Subsection 1.1.1: The Unexpected Benefits

Another unexpected advantage noted was a reduction in libido. Carraway described, "It’s hard to focus in class when spontaneous erections happen. It's quite embarrassing, especially when I want the girls to appreciate me for my personality, not just my physique."

Thanks to sleep deprivation, he remarked, "Now, women are drawn to me without any distractions. Days blend together, and oh, while we're at it, Doc, can you write me a prescription for Viagra?"

Section 1.2: The Scientific Insights

While anecdotal evidence is compelling, POOP sought the scientific rationale behind these claims. Dr. Kneeak discussed his brain scan findings, revealing that different areas of the brain displayed varied colors during the scans.

"We connected our student participants to brain scanners and observed astonishing color patterns. We saw every hue imaginable, including rainbow flags waving in the breeze — minus the actual breeze."

Many students' scans even lit up in their university's colors — fuchsia and periwinkle — even among those who claimed to dislike sports. The research team speculated whether this unusual observation stemmed from something in the drinking water.

POOP reached out to the sanitation department, which denied any contaminants in the water, stating that all their agents were busy monitoring locker rooms or placing hidden microphones to enforce the no-talking policy in libraries.

Chapter 2: Memory and Trauma in Sleep Deprivation

Dr. Kneeak was also queried about a possible link between sleep deprivation and memory loss. "I thought there might be, but then I forgot," he joked. While some might see forgetfulness as a drawback—especially before exams—others find it beneficial.

For instance, students recovering from severe trauma discovered that a month without sleep could erase painful memories, akin to the effects of electric shock therapy, yet without the drawbacks of that method, such as fasting prior to the procedure.

Hops Johnkins University’s sleep-deprived team has dominated the Annual Inter-Collegiate Nocturnal Gastronomic Championship since its inception. Mr. Carraway won gold in West Eggs and bronze in Lemon Cakes, joking that he wished for the reverse so he could claim a golden egg from his pet goose.

Ms. Gale earned a silver in Yellow Brick, a corn variety, achieving a world record with 34 ears in eleven minutes, though she was unavailable for comment due to her meteorology finals.

Dr. Kneeak revealed that his research faced numerous rejections from scientific journals. Despite the disappointments lining his office restroom, he remained optimistic, taking encouragement from the literary legacies of authors like F. Scott Fitzgerald and Frank Baum.

Video Insights

The first video titled Exercising before sleep may not be a bad thing discusses how engaging in physical activity prior to bed can influence sleep quality and overall health.

The second video, Is Exercise Good or Bad for Sleep? Facts Explained By Dr. Berg, delves into the nuances of exercise's impact on sleep patterns, offering insights from Dr. Berg.

Marilyn Flower is a political humorist who engages readers with her witty takes on social issues. She regularly contributes to the prison newsletter, Freedom Anywhere, where she shares her thoughts on faith and prayer. Her work includes five produced short plays in San Francisco, and she uses clowning and improvisation as a coping mechanism in these tumultuous times.