The Paradox of Pride: Understanding American Attitudes
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Chapter 1: The American Concept of Pride
The phrase "I'm so proud of myself" has always puzzled me. Perhaps it’s my experience living abroad, but it seems that no other culture emphasizes self-pride quite like Americans. It feels almost strange.
Recently, I came across a story about billionaire Rob Hale, who, during a commencement speech at Dartmouth, gifted each of the 1,200 graduates a check for $1,000. His only stipulation was that they keep $500 and donate the other half to a charity of their choice. His message was clear: giving back to the community is invaluable. In 2022, he and his wife donated an astonishing $1 million weekly to various causes, aligning his actions with his words.
Hearing about individuals who generously share their resources fills me with hope. It’s reassuring to see that kindness can triumph over negativity. As I continued reading, I learned about Kamryn Kobel, an English major who decided to donate her $500 to the Y.W.C.A. in Worcester, Massachusetts, where she learned to swim as a child. She wanted to support programs for young women and survivors of violence. For her, this act of giving felt like a moment to take pride in—especially once she realized the envelopes she received contained exactly what Mr. Hale had promised (Their Diplomas Came with Envelopes).
While I commend Ms. Kobel's generosity, I find it troubling when individuals equate giving away funds—especially those that were gifted to them—with self-pride. The expression "I am so proud of myself" is rarely found in cultures beyond America. I speak six languages fluently, including English, Russian, and German, and I’ve yet to hear anyone else use this phrase in the same way as Americans do.
The prevalence of expressing pride in oneself is so common here that it often leads to perceptions of egotism. My mother, raised in a traditional Catholic household, taught us never to express pride in our own accomplishments. She believed that such expressions were superficial and indicative of self-obsession. Instead, she encouraged pride in others, often saying, "I'm so proud of you!" while keeping our expectations grounded.
Section 1.1: Lessons from Childhood
My mother would often playfully mock our expectations of pride. If we sought her approval too often, she’d express pride in trivial matters, saying things like, "Oh, I’m so proud of you for taking a bath!" This taught us to act for the sake of doing good, rather than for the recognition that might follow.
I vividly remember the thrill of hitting my first home run during a tense baseball game. We were down 10-7, with two players on base. I hit a home run, leading us to victory. Yet, in that moment of triumph, I never thought to utter, "I am so proud of myself." Such a declaration would have likely drawn laughter from my teammates.
Chapter 2: The Shift in American Values
Mr. Hale's generous gesture of giving away $1.2 million in checks is commendable, but it raises a question about the underlying motivation. Was he hoping to instill a sense of pride in the graduates for using his money to help others?
America seems to be undergoing a transformation, with values shifting towards individualism. The tendency to prioritize personal gain over collective well-being has become increasingly prevalent. The concept of helping one’s neighbor has been overshadowed by self-serving motives: "What’s in it for me?" or "Will this make me look better?"
I remember a conversation with a young traveler in Munich. After a few beers, I paid for both of our drinks. His reaction was one of disbelief, as he repeatedly asked why I had done it and what I expected in return. I simply explained that I enjoyed our conversation and wished him well on his journey. It was a stark contrast to the mindset that often prevails today, where many, like his mother, believe that everyone is out for personal gain.
Has our fixation on self-pride contributed to the division within our society? I can't help but wonder if this young man's mother, a product of a certain ideology, had instilled in him a deep-rooted distrust of others.
The first video titled "I Am So Proud Of Myself.. But I Miss Her" explores the complexities of personal pride intertwined with feelings of loss and longing. It provides insights into how pride can coexist with vulnerability.
The second video, "I am proud of myself," delves into the nuances of self-acknowledgment and the varying cultural perceptions surrounding pride. It challenges viewers to reflect on their own understanding of pride and its implications in their lives.