Chapter 1 Understanding the Hesitation

A client once expressed, "I want to attend therapy, but I’m unsure of what to discuss."

This uncertainty often leads clients to feel anxious, as if they have a responsibility to present a specific topic. What causes this dilemma, and how can it be addressed?

Several factors may contribute to this situation. According to Elyacheff, a child often seeks to meet a parent's expectations, suppressing their own needs in the process. This creates a paradox where the child’s genuine desires are masked, leading to confusion about their true feelings versus external expectations. As a result, clients might prioritize others’ needs over their own, leading to an internal struggle.

For instance, a client frequently vocalizes her distress but feels exhausted by her own complaints. "It feels like I’m always lamenting to you…" she confesses. She struggles to identify what truly makes her feel better, as her fundamental need for peace remains elusive. This lack of understanding can lead to an absence of safety and emotional connection, which are crucial for well-being.

In the video "How to Use Therapy When You Don't Know What to Talk About," the speaker discusses strategies for clients who feel lost in therapy sessions, offering insights into how to navigate these feelings.

The client experiences ongoing tension, lacking a sense of security or trust in her environment. This internal chaos often stems from insufficient maternal attention or connection, leaving her feeling neglected.

Another client remarked, "I want therapy, but I need help choosing what to discuss."

How should a therapist approach this scenario?

Instead of imposing topics, I began by exploring her interests. I suggested various themes, such as:

• Connections with others
• Love
• Relationships
• Body image (especially if there’s a history of maternal rejection affecting self-perception)
• Career dynamics

By prompting her to consider why she hesitates to embrace spontaneity, we uncovered deeper issues of control. When a therapist suggests topics, it might feel safer for the client, as it shields her from confronting her own spontaneity.

Section 1.1 Exploring the Void

Another approach is to investigate the client's feelings of emptiness. What lies beneath this void?

The absence of identifiable topics may also stem from a desire for approval from the therapist. The client may assume that I possess greater insight into her needs than she does.

To address this, I clarified that I do not hold the answers for her. During one session, I shared my own experiences, which prompted a grateful response: "Thank you, I feel understood. This isn't just my issue."

This exchange highlighted how transference operates in therapy. We then worked on identifying past relationships where she felt pressured to report her feelings or actions.

Subsection 1.1.1 Understanding Past Influences

We delved into moments where she felt compelled to conform, much like a child being prompted to share every detail of their day. The aim was to help her articulate feelings of confusion or frustration resulting from these experiences.

As we explored her beliefs about my understanding of her issues, she arrived at the next session with her own topic in mind. This progress indicated we had unearthed feelings of fear rooted in her childhood experiences.

Children often grapple with rigid expectations from adults, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy. For example, when a child is guided too strictly in creative activities, they may internalize the belief that their instincts and feelings are wrong.

Chapter 2 The Impact of External Expectations

In the video "5 THINGS I WON'T SAY TO MY THERAPY CLIENTS, but really WANT to!" the speaker reflects on the unexpressed thoughts therapists may have and the underlying dynamics in the therapeutic relationship.

A child’s creativity can be stifled when their natural expressions are dismissed. This phenomenon is prevalent in developmental settings, where adults impose their interpretations of 'correct' behaviors or creations, discrediting the child's perceptions.

Such experiences can hinder an individual's creative abilities and sense of self, making it imperative for therapy to cultivate an environment where clients feel free to explore their thoughts and emotions without judgment.