Navigating Parenting: The Balancing Act of Responsibility
Written on
Chapter 1: The Power of Boundaries
When I was around seventeen, I yearned to attend a party on a Saturday night. I hadn't completed my chores or homework, and my mother firmly said, “No.” I pleaded, argued, and even shed a few tears, trying to intimidate her with a deeper voice. Yet, she remained resolute, stating, “I regret that I can't meet your expectations, but someone needs to act as the adult here. I’m not your friend; I’m your mother.”
“I'll say you are,” I retorted.
A moment of silence passed before we both burst into laughter, alleviating the tension. Nonetheless, I didn’t attend that party.
Section 1.1: Upholding Expectations
Just yesterday, I found myself needing to assert authority. Jason was supposed to tidy his room by 5 PM on Monday, but that hadn't happened. I extended the deadline by a day and then another, ultimately warning him that if it wasn’t done by 7 PM, he would lose Internet access. He dragged his feet, clearly hoping I was bluffing.
I informed him he had fifteen minutes left, but instead of cleaning, he chose to debate my fairness in not granting him until Friday. His arguments—guilt, anger, confusion, and even misremembered conversations—didn't sway me. There was yelling and tears, yet I merely observed.
Ah, the struggle of a caterpillar reluctant to transform into a butterfly. I understand; taking responsibility for one’s life, actions, and emotions is daunting. I know many adults who fail at this. His approach seemed to be testing if he could enjoy adult privileges without accepting adult responsibilities.
If only I could have navigated life that easily. The reality is, if he were independent, the world would challenge him harshly. He has no comprehension of the difficulties involved in earning a living without specialized skills and the resilience to defend himself.
Section 1.2: Bridging the Gap
I needed to act as a surrogate for the challenges life presents. After our agreement was broken, he expected me to remain endlessly accommodating, spending his days lazing about and nights gaming, while treating a couple of hours of work as burdensome. If that’s how he feels, he’s in for a rude awakening—most people work eight hours daily.
There's a significant disconnect between his self-image and his underlying fears, and I must bridge that gap. He insisted he wouldn’t relent, but deep down, we both knew he would. After stomping around his room, he eventually cleaned it up.
I even made him refer to me as “sir” instead of “Dad,” a title he detests. However, I believed that the situation warranted a more formal tone, even though I disliked it too.
A couple of hours later, he apologized, admitting he had reflected on the situation and recognized he was in the wrong.
Chapter 2: The Role of the Parent
I find myself needing to embody his “executive function,” even when he employs every tactic to break or distract me. I must stand firm, embodying a world that does not adjust to his whims but still conveys: “You are still a child. Yet, within you lies the potential and the responsibility to behave like an adult. If it means sacrificing a day of love and harmony with you, so be it. I love you more than I need you to approve of me.”
Sometimes, a father must step into the nurturing role often associated with a mother, if you catch my drift.
Namaste
Steve
www.realwarriorsjourney.com
This video discusses the differences in a child's relationship with their mothers and fathers, exploring how each parent influences development uniquely.
In this Father's Day special, the importance of fathers is celebrated, highlighting their role in nurturing and guiding children.