Chapter 1: Understanding the Aftermath of Infidelity

Following an affair, many men engage in specific behaviors to gauge their wives' boundaries, often in an effort to maintain a favorable position in the relationship. Statistics show that over ninety percent of men who cheat have not contemplated divorce, which shapes their actions.

Tactic One: "Just give me some time; I'll end it with her."

This phrase is frequently employed by men who seek novelty through infidelity. For them, the goal is to keep their wives secure at home while continuing their external relationships. They rarely consider divorce, thus after the affair, they often adopt a sincere and remorseful demeanor. They may apologize profusely and express regret, aiming to reassure their wives and protect their family interests.

Nonetheless, they are typically reluctant to sever ties with the other woman. By retreating slightly, they can play on their wives' emotions, seeking to buy time to maintain both relationships. If the wife is accommodating and does not impose strict deadlines, the man may prolong the situation, allowing a three-way dynamic to develop, often with her tacit approval.

Take the example of David, a married man who employed this strategy. After his affair, he expressed heartfelt apologies and claimed he wanted to make amends. He asked his wife for some time to sort out his feelings for the other woman, stating that their relationship was complex and not easily dismissed. Convinced of his sincerity, David's wife agreed, but he only delayed making any real changes. Eventually, when the truth came to light, their arguments revealed a stark contrast between his words and actions. David continued to drag his feet, leading his wife to convince herself that their situation was improving, even though he had not truly ended the affair.

Tactic Two: "I’m sorry. If not, we can draft a divorce agreement."

Men who use this approach typically do not genuinely want a divorce; instead, they seek to avoid being perceived as passive. By presenting the option of divorce, they attempt to gauge their partner's stance and reactions, which will inform their next steps.

If the wife appears anxious about the prospect of divorce, the man gains leverage in the situation. He knows she likely does not want to end the marriage, so when she tries to impose boundaries, he may superficially agree while continuing to engage with the other woman. Conversely, if she insists on divorce and proposes terms, he will quickly recognize her seriousness and may not resist the separation.

Aiden, a middle-aged man, successfully navigated his marital crisis using this tactic. Aware of his wife's strong emotional ties to their family, he anticipated that her calm response to his infidelity might indicate a lack of true forgiveness. To avoid appearing passive, Aiden chose to present the decision to his wife, thereby assessing her reaction. This unexpected move caught her off guard, and ultimately, she chose to forgive him. This allowed Aiden to protect his familial interests.

In essence, marriage often resembles a power struggle. A man's respect for his partner is rooted in her willingness to assert herself and to consider walking away. When a woman exhibits fear of losing him, he may feel more entitled to test her limits. Conversely, if she shows courage and the possibility of letting him go, he is more likely to hold her in higher regard and refrain from crossing her boundaries.

The principles of human behavior suggest that the weak are often exploited while the strong are respected.