Chapter 1: The Dating Dilemma

I find myself in a perplexing situation. After my long-term relationship ended, I (28m) was eager to explore the dating scene. However, the past couple of months have left me feeling defeated and disheartened.

Despite my efforts, I can't shake the feeling of inadequacy. I’ve invested time in self-improvement, including regular workouts, wardrobe upgrades, and engaging in new activities. I’ve also tackled social anxiety in therapy, worked on my assertiveness, and developed a diverse range of hobbies. I prioritize hygiene and advocate for healthy communication and boundaries. While I know I’m not perfect, I genuinely believe I present a more appealing version of myself compared to my early twenties.

As a loyal reader of various dating and self-improvement platforms, I’ve diligently applied the advice offered. My online dating profile has been fine-tuned with input from a female friend, I’ve selected a range of flattering photos, and I’ve invested in premium memberships on multiple apps. I tailor my messages to each match and aim to secure dates after a few conversations. I also maintain an open mindset about my matches, not limiting myself to conventional standards of attractiveness.

Despite these efforts, my results are disheartening. I receive only a few matches weekly, with many not responding at all. Those who do often seem disengaged, contributing little to the conversation. It feels as though I’m performing for an audience of passive potential partners, hoping to impress them despite their lack of engagement.

Thus far, I've only been on two dates, both of which left me feeling unfulfilled. The women were friendly, but our conversations revolved around their lives, with minimal interest in getting to know me. Both also appeared quite different from their photos, which contributed to the lack of chemistry.

Why not try meeting women in person? Despite my best efforts, I’ve struggled here as well. Most events I attend are either heavily male-dominated or attended by individuals significantly older than me. While this has enriched my platonic social life, it hasn’t translated into romantic opportunities.

I’ve made considerable progress in numerous areas, yet it seems to fall short. Reading dating advice often suggests I need to further enhance multiple aspects of my personality and skills—charisma, fashion sense, humor, social skills, and more. The pressure is overwhelming, especially when contrasted with the minimal effort from the women I've matched with, who don't seem interested in getting to know me.

I want to clarify that I don't harbor resentment towards these women; I'm simply feeling overwhelmed and rejected. Despite my significant self-improvement efforts, I'm not seeing the outcomes I desire, and it feels as though my matches lack interest in me.

Is there something I might be overlooking? Is it merely bad luck? Or is there an aspect of my demeanor that I fail to recognize as unappealing?

Chapter 2: Understanding the Journey

This question is incredibly insightful, as it highlights key issues in self-improvement and dating.

Firstly, acknowledge the progress you've made; it's commendable. Change is a gradual process—an evolution of small steps. It’s easy to overlook your achievements, especially when focused on results. Many individuals fall into the trap of thinking, “I’ve been doing this for X amount of time; why aren’t my outcomes at Y level?” This mindset can lead to discouragement. Reflecting on your journey reveals the distance you’ve covered, which is essential.

Another common misconception is the belief that improvement leads to instant success. However, personal growth is a continuous process, and with it comes the realization that there’s always more to learn and achieve. My own experience in martial arts taught me that reaching a significant milestone, like obtaining a black belt, was not the end of the journey but rather the beginning of new challenges.

Consider your progress akin to a video game. You've moved beyond the beginner levels to face tougher opponents. The previous challenges are now easy, but the new ones require a refined skill set. This evolution is not a setback; it’s a sign of growth.

You’ve been getting matches and even going on dates. If you think back to where you were a year ago, would any of this have seemed attainable?

With this new stage comes the need to refine your approach and identify what works and what doesn’t.

The first video, "Why Dating Today Is Nearly Impossible", explores the challenges faced in the modern dating landscape, offering insights that align with your experiences.