Finding Strength in Loss: Discovering Father Figures in Life
Written on
Chapter 1: The Impact of Fatherhood
Growing up, many boys have just one father, but my experience was different. I had several father figures in my life.
“Boys who grow up without fathers are the sons of Life itself.” — Unknown
The absence or presence of a father, whether positive or negative, significantly shapes a boy's development. I lost my father at the tender age of seven, an event that created a deep void in my life. This loss left me grappling with anger, frustration, and a sense of helplessness.
Why did this happen to me?
Adults often underestimate how deeply painful emotions can affect a young heart. I felt abandoned and misunderstood, often overwhelmed by anger to the point where I wanted to tear the universe apart.
At the Psychiatric Ward
Fast forward to 2023, I found myself interning at a psychiatric ward for teenagers. The patients were all boys, most of whom lacked father figures. While they were fundamentally good kids, many exhibited violent behavior, delinquency, and depression. They often resorted to substance abuse and skipped school.
Working with these boys was challenging, not due to their actions, but because I recognized a part of myself in them—a reflection of the path I might have taken.
Had the void left by my father's passing remained unaddressed, I could have easily fallen into a downward spiral; my academic performance would have declined, and I might have turned to video games, cigarettes, and alcohol to numb my pain. Violence could have become an outlet for the bottled-up rage I felt.
A perceived lack of empathy and support frequently drives fatherless boys toward harmful coping mechanisms. It is no surprise that they are more prone to incarceration, substance abuse, and dropping out of school than their peers—a reality I witnessed firsthand in the boys I worked with.
At the end of my internship, my supervisor remarked on my ability to remain nonjudgmental, regardless of the boys' behavior.
She was correct. My understanding stemmed from my own experiences.
A Path of Support and Understanding
My time at the ward reminded me of how close I had come to walking down a path of despair and pain. The only difference between me and those boys was that someone stepped in to close that door for me.
During my most difficult times, various men emerged as guiding lights, offering support when I felt the universe was against me. Some of these men had made promises to my father to look after me.
Others included:
- My maternal grandfather, who taught me resilience and gratitude.
- My paternal grandfather, who instilled the importance of self-advocacy.
- My uncle, who emphasized modesty and respect.
- My best friend's father, who introduced me to the joy of life.
- My favorite teacher, who encouraged self-belief.
Moreover, influential authors like Leo Tolstoy, Marcus Aurelius, and many others have imparted wisdom that has shaped my perspective.
Becoming a Father Figure
If given a choice, I would not wish to lose my father again. However, I have come to realize that my lack of a father has not solely been detrimental. It allowed me to discover a variety of positive male role models who helped shape who I am today.
I was fortunate. Many fatherless boys lack such positive influences. During my time at the psychiatric ward, I witnessed the consequences when these voids remain unfilled—often leading to isolation, violence, and addiction.
If there's one takeaway from my story, it is this: countless boys are searching for role models. If you can provide guidance and support—whether as a teacher, coach, mentor, uncle, mother, or father—please do. They deserve it.
Chapter 2: Lessons from Grief and Loss
This video titled "Dealing With the Loss of a Father" provides valuable insights into coping with the profound grief of losing a father and finding strength in shared experiences.
In "Losing a Parent | Lessons from Grief and Loss | Losing a Father," viewers can learn about the lessons that emerge from grief, emphasizing the importance of finding support and role models during difficult times.
