Chapter 1: The Nature of Change

Have you ever made an effort to stop a specific habit? Perhaps indulging in entire packages of Oreo cookies or engaging in behaviors that are less than socially acceptable? Or something more commonplace? Despite your intentions to eliminate these actions, have you found yourself falling back into them? If you haven't, congratulations! You are a well-adjusted individual, and this message may not pertain to you.

For many of us, the journey of change is an ongoing struggle, and we often feel ill-equipped to handle it. Animals seem to adapt seamlessly to change without a second thought—it's simply part of their nature. Why do we, as humans, find it so challenging? Why do we, with all our complexities, seem to grapple with this basic instinct?

The answer dawned on me during a moment of reflection in the shower. Somewhere between rinsing out my shampoo and zoning out, I realized that our resistance to change is surprisingly straightforward: we often don't want to change.

If there's no genuine desire to alter a behavior, it simply won't happen. This is a revealing aspect of human nature and our emotional landscape. It explains why we neglect the gym even though we know we should prioritize our health or why we continue to consume foods that harm us. The truth is, we just don’t want to.

This realization might seem contradictory, as we harbor some yearning for change, a feeling that perhaps transformation is in our best interest. Yet, despite our intelligence and the plethora of resources available, change remains elusive, akin to butterflies fluttering just out of reach. The discomfort of change is not inherently wrong; it's just poorly understood and, in fact, often serves as a barrier.

We perceive change as daunting because we remind ourselves daily of the "shoulds" in our lives: "I should exercise more," or "I should stop eating that unhealthy food." If I fail to do these things, I fear being labeled a failure or feeling unfulfilled. This incessant focus on "should" generates significant suffering, as it clashes with our present reality, which often leans towards inertia.

It’s difficult to persuade an elephant to stray from its chosen path, and our emotions operate similarly. When we impose "should" on ourselves, we lay the groundwork for our own failure, as the urge to change stems from the fear of inadequacy rather than genuine desire.

Reflecting on high school, I recall a friend, affectionately dubbed "Poopypants." Despite not being unattractive, he struggled to gain the attention of the popular girls due to his lanky frame. This sense of inadequacy fueled his transformation in adulthood. The last time I saw him, he was remarkably fit, resembling a modern-day Hercules. However, his journey was driven by a desire to prove himself rather than genuine self-acceptance.

If you don’t recognize the underlying motivations for your desire to change, it becomes exceedingly difficult to transform. You might find yourself stuck in cycles of self-doubt, and the real task is addressing the emotional wounds causing this pain. This can often feel more daunting than simply adhering to a workout regimen.

Thus, we arrive at the paradox of change: to truly transform, you must first cease the struggle. Many of our motivations for change are misguided, and there's no need to force ourselves into uncomfortable situations. Animals don’t resist change; they adapt naturally.

This reminds me of Yoda's famous line from The Empire Strikes Back: “Do or do not, there is no try.” This phrase puzzled me in my youth, but now I grasp its meaning: genuine action stems from desire, while "trying" implies uncertainty.

This highlights a fundamental paradox of existence: sometimes we must act against our instincts to achieve the outcomes we seek.

Section 1.1: Practical Implications

So, what does this mean in practical terms?

1. Stop Trying: Abandon the notion of "trying" altogether.
2. Self-Acceptance: Acknowledge that you may not genuinely want to change, and accept that truth. This acceptance diminishes resistance to the change you seek.
3. Let Go of Your Narrative: Discard any preconceived notions about how, why, or when you should change.

You’re not as in control of change as you might think; it’s an illusion created by your mind.

4. Embrace Stillness: This may be the hardest step. We often believe that to change, we must act decisively, but like a caterpillar, true transformation often occurs in stillness.

While discipline and action matter, they become effective only when rooted in genuine desire. Focus on your own journey, and be present with your emotions and your body.

You likely already know what you need to do, but the question remains: why? If your heart isn’t engaged, what’s the purpose of change? A life devoid of passion is hardly a life worth living.

Chapter 2: Understanding the Paradox

The first video, The Paradox of Change Explained, provides a deeper exploration into the intricacies of why change is so challenging for us.

The second video, Paradox of Change, further examines our struggles with transformation and offers insights into overcoming them.