You Can't Control What Happens in Love or Life

Engaging in self-improvement can indeed facilitate this journey. Personally, I wouldn't be enjoying my current lifestyle had I not embarked on my own path of growth years ago. Working on oneself is beneficial, and the results of your efforts can be rewarding. However, it’s crucial to remember one significant truth: the universe is under no obligation to grant you what you desire.

Let’s delve deeper into how the culture surrounding personal development can lead us astray.

Where Personal Growth Culture Can Mislead Us

Experiencing setbacks in life can understandably make one want to avoid further pain. The desire to escape rejection, toxic relationships, or poor mental health is natural. Many teachings suggest that following a specific formula will allow you to gain complete control over your circumstances. Unfortunately, this is a misconception.

The reality is that you cannot fully eliminate the possibility of pain; external factors are beyond our control. You cannot influence someone’s decision to reject you after a few dates, nor can you foresee a pandemic that leads to job loss, or prevent a loved one from falling ill. Furthermore, you cannot dictate your emotional reactions to events. Despite what a self-help guru might claim about reframing your thoughts, feelings often arise unconsciously and cannot be suppressed.

No matter how much effort you invest in personal growth, it does not guarantee you will achieve your desires.

My Awakening Experience

My own wake-up call occurred a couple of years ago while I was dating someone I believed was my ideal partner. He had a great job, was attractive, and shared my vision for the future. However, everything unraveled one weekend when we realized we couldn’t maintain the pace of our relationship, leading to its abrupt end.

He traveled to South Africa while I found myself in Berlin, grappling with feelings of failure and heartbreak. I felt deceived into thinking that my personal growth journey would lead to a successful relationship. This experience prompted me to retreat from my social media activities and stop creating YouTube content, as I felt betrayed by the very work I had invested time in.

However, I acknowledge that personal growth can position you to attract certain people and opportunities into your life. Without my past efforts, I might not have been ready to engage with that individual at all, especially given my previous disorganized patterns.

Accepting Life's Unpredictability

Life is inherently unpredictable, and we have limited control over its course. What we can control, however, is our response to the challenges we face. It's crucial to approach personal growth not as a means to an end but as a way to build resilience against life’s uncertainties.

Even if we achieve our goals, happiness is not guaranteed; it resides in our present experience. Personal development should equip you to withstand life's inevitable setbacks rather than serve as a checklist for success.

Certainly, pursuing healthier relationships and a better life is worthwhile, but be wary of adopting a self-righteous attitude about it. When things go wrong, you might find yourself blaming your lack of effort or commitment, perhaps even projecting that frustration onto those who did their best for you.

Life unfolds as it does, and that’s perfectly acceptable. Embrace the unpredictability of existence. Perfection is unattainable, and even with rigorous self-work, mistakes will occur. This is part of being human, and it’s entirely alright.

Thank you for taking the time to read this piece. Your support means a lot!